My new job is at a large organization, so we have an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP). For those of you unfamiliar with EAP, they allow for free counseling, drug and alcohol help, financial counseling, etc. After some brief marital strife, we decided we might as well take advantage of the free support.
Our meeting with the counselor was a week and a half ago. I'd never been to counseling, so I wasn't sure what to expect. My verdict? Meh. The guy didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. "You're a partnership now, so you have to consult each other and work together." Duh. Okay, so it was helpful that he told us everything we do that is important needs TWO votes. If you don't get 2 votes, you can't do it.
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We have an EAP and it never occurred to me to look into whether or not they offer financial counseling. We've been meaning to meet with a financial advisor and I would LOVE to do it for free through work. Thanks for the tip!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your inlaws, though. SO frustrating. I hope your husband can take a stand sometime soon.
This is a hard one, but honestly setting boundaries as a young married couple is one of the hardest things to do. But in my experience, it's also one of the most crucial.
ReplyDeleteIf I can totally be bold, I would say you guys need to call a family meeting between the two of you. Talk about what an ideal week & an idea month is for you, how much would you see your families and (also important) in what context would that occur (going to the movies, group dinner, individually touching base with your parents?) then make a plan for the next month.
Be proactive, call your families and invite them out to the times & settings you agreed on- and that's when you see them. If they call or drop by keep it warm but short. If they question you let them know that you're thankful they notice that you guys need some alone time. Know they might flip out a little, and just be gracious and don't feed it. They'll get on board.
It's lame, but in my relationship that's my family causing the drama and having Mister be on my team so we can make decisions together and then kick those plans off together has been huge. When you can re-frame it so you guys need to make a plan together, not so that someone's in the middle I find that they are way more manageable.
Good luck!
Seriously, e-mail me if you need to. We can totally compare notes on the crazy.
I consider myself lucky because I really like my in-laws. Of course they live 4 hours away so that probably helps!
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